so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dicks are not precious.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i believe in u and ur pee
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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