the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
