when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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