so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
