Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
