3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
