Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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