it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
