then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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