I wish my penis had an off switch
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
