youre lurking in front of me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
