just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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