Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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