Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
