Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Randomize
