chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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