think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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