That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
