Moan for me like Helen Keller
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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