My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
