i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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