Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
