I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
