You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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