I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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