I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
