Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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