Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
