I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
