u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
