You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
