I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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