Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
