for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Randomize
