I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
