In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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