Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
