Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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