i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
