Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
