he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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