You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
