everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
