when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
