Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
