Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
