I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
