Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
