Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
