An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
