where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you didnt know i had herpes?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
