so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
