Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
