i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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